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Modern parents report extreme exhaustion despite adequate sleep
A recent Reddit discussion revealed widespread fatigue among parents, with over 400 responses describing parenting as "extremely exhausting" and "constant." While sleep deprivation is often blamed, experts suggest other factors-such as lack of community support and the dual demands of work and child-rearing-play a significant role in parental exhaustion today.
Sleep loss in parents: mixed evidence across cultures
Contrary to popular belief, research shows that parents may not lose as much sleep as assumed. A German study of nearly 40,000 people found that first-time mothers lost about an hour of sleep per night in the first three months after birth, while fathers lost 20 minutes. However, six years later, neither group had fully recovered their pre-pregnancy sleep levels. Yet, parents with children under six averaged around seven hours of sleep per night-only 10 to 14 minutes less than non-parents.
A 2024 U.S. survey found parents with young children spent eight to nine hours in bed nightly, while a French study reported mothers and fathers averaging eight or more hours of sleep, though individual variation was high. Self-reported data, however, may be unreliable, as people often miscalculate sleep duration.
Hunter-gatherer societies report higher sleep satisfaction
Studies of contemporary foraging societies, often used as proxies for ancestral lifestyles, reveal similar sleep patterns. Adults in these communities spend 6.9 to 8.5 hours in bed but sleep between 5.7 and 7.1 hours due to frequent awakenings. Despite this, they report high satisfaction with their sleep, unlike modern parents in industrialized societies, who consistently rate their sleep quality as poor.
Evolutionary anthropologist David Samson, who lived with the Hadza in Tanzania, noted that nearly all adults in the community described their sleep as "good," a stark contrast to the low ratings given by parents in Germany and France. This discrepancy suggests that modern fatigue may stem from factors beyond sleep duration.
Ancestral sleep practices: flexibility and shared caregiving
Experts point to historical differences in sleep expectations. Helen Ball, director of the Durham Infancy and Sleep Centre, explains that the concept of "consolidated" sleep-sleeping deeply in one continuous stretch-became a priority only after the Industrial Revolution. Ancestors likely had less need for uninterrupted sleep, as their lifestyles did not require operating machinery or adhering to rigid work schedules.
Another key difference is parenting practices. In many foraging societies, mothers sleep alongside their babies, a practice known as "breastsleeping." This method, observed in hunter-gatherer communities worldwide, integrates nighttime breastfeeding and caregiving into the mother's sleep cycle. While some studies show that bedsharing mothers wake more frequently, they often fall back asleep more quickly and report feeling more rested.
Modern challenges: isolation and rigid expectations
Unlike ancestral communities, modern parents often lack extended support networks. Anthropologist Sarah Blaffer Hrdy highlights that hunter-gatherer societies relied on "alloparents"-relatives, older siblings, and other caregivers-to share child-rearing responsibilities. For example, among the Efé of Central Africa, infants spend 60% of their time with caregivers other than their mothers and are often breastfed by multiple women.
Today, many families juggle dual-income households, with women still bearing the majority of caregiving duties. This "double shift" contributes to fatigue, as does the trend of having children closer in age. In foraging societies, babies were typically spaced about four years apart, reducing the burden on parents.
Rethinking parental sleep: lessons from the past
Pamela Douglas, a senior lecturer at the University of Queensland, argues that modern parenting advice-such as tracking wake times or staying fully alert during night feeds-can worsen sleep quality. Her program, Possums, encourages parents to avoid rigid sleep tracking and allow babies to "feed to sleep," aligning more closely with ancestral practices.
Samson, who adopted breastsleeping with his daughter, described it as transformative. "Our entire life changed," he said. "She didn't have to sit up, she didn't have to wake up-she just fed and went back to sleep."
While not all studies support the benefits of bedsharing, experts agree that cultural shifts-such as flexible sleep expectations and communal support-could help modern parents feel less exhausted. As Samson notes, "We evolved to be adaptable. There are times in life where it's worth losing sleep, and reproduction is one of them."
Safety guidelines for bedsharing
Public health organizations, including the American Academy of Pediatrics, recommend room-sharing (but not bedsharing) for at least the first six months to reduce the risk of Sudden Infant Death Syndrome (SIDS). The UK's Lullaby Trust advises that bedsharing should be avoided if parents have consumed alcohol, drugs, or smoked, or if the baby was premature or low birth weight. Safe bedsharing practices include using a firm mattress and avoiding sofas or armchairs.
