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What is the 'swag gap' in relationships?
East London resident Ifesinachi Mamah, 23, says she prefers dating someone who puts effort into their appearance. "I would just want us to both look good," she explains. "If you see two people together, you want your overall vibe to match, or at least flow cohesively."
A growing trend on TikTok labels couples with noticeable style differences as having a "swag gap." One partner may appear less fashionable or put in less effort with their look compared to the other.
Celebrity examples fuel the conversation
One of the most discussed examples is the contrast between Justin Bieber and his wife Hailey. At an August 2023 event for her beauty brand, Bieber wore a grey tracksuit with yellow Crocs and a pink cap, while Hailey arrived in a chic red mini-dress with matching accessories.
Newlyweds Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco have also been cited as an example of the trend, sparking debates about whether style differences impact relationships.
Why does the 'swag gap' matter?
Mamah describes the swag gap as a mismatch in aesthetics, clothing, or even lifestyle. "One partner is more into fashion and always makes an effort, while the other doesn't care about how they look," she says. This difference can extend beyond appearance, affecting choices like restaurants or date plans.
Dating coach Vicki Pavitt suggests that swag gaps can lead to conflicts if partners want to feel "proud standing beside each other." If one person puts in less effort, it may feel like "disrespecting the relationship," she adds.
Potential pitfalls and power dynamics
Relationship psychologist Anjula Mutanda warns that if the more stylish partner sees themselves as superior, it could create an unhealthy power dynamic. Attempting to change a partner's style-such as buying them clothes or criticizing their outfits-can also backfire.
"You want your partner to be a reflection of you in some way. I think that's really natural."
Vicki Pavitt, dating coach
However, Pavitt cautions that trying to mold someone's appearance can be seen as an unwelcome imposition. Instead, relationships coach Persia Lawson advises uplifting and encouraging partners while respecting their individual style.
When style differences don't spell trouble
Jessica Raiola, 25, from New Jersey, says she and her boyfriend have a swag gap but insists it isn't negative. Her maximalist, eclectic style contrasts with his skater-inspired look of vintage band T-shirts and grey Vans.
"I feel like there's really cool stuff in everything that everybody wears."
Jessica Raiola
She believes style exists on a spectrum rather than a hierarchy and would never try to change her partner's look. "If you're trying to change your partner like that, you're probably with the wrong person," she says.
Beyond fashion: swag gaps in success and confidence
For many, the swag gap extends beyond appearance to differences in success, fame, or confidence. TikToker Isabella Duffy argues that the issue arises when the partner with less swag feels insecure or left behind, leading to jealousy and resentment.
Duffy, a content creator, says some partners struggle with the attention or opportunities she receives. She adds that being a female breadwinner can also create a swag gap if the other partner feels emasculated or resentful.
Her solution? Partners should be on the "same energy plane," seeing each other as allies rather than competitors.
