Ask Onix
Updated 13 April 2026 - Reporting from Carmarthen, Wales
Inside the 'Girls Only' room
A handwritten sign taped to a door at DRMZ youth club in Carmarthen declares the space off-limits to boys. Scrawled in felt-tip pen, it reads: "GIRLS ONLY," "Boy's don't Eneter!" [sic], and adds, "don't worry boys!"-complete with doodled hearts and stars. Around a dozen girls, aged 13 to 17, are midway through a heated card game when the conversation turns to the realities of being a teenage girl in 2026.
This gathering is part of a Radio 4 series, About The Girls, where journalist Emma Barnett spoke to 150 girls across the UK. Their voices echoed a recurring theme: girls still measure their lives through the lens of boys-and they know it.
The Bechdel Test in real life
When asked, "What's it really like to be a girl today? Tell me the truth," the responses often began the same way: "Well, boys think/say/want..." The pattern mirrored the Bechdel Test, a benchmark for female representation in film requiring two named women to discuss something other than men. None of the interviews passed.
"Growing up as a girl, so much of it is about how boys behave around you," one girl said. "You can't talk about it without mentioning them-and it's frustrating."
"The boys here are vocal, confident. Today, the girls were too. My worry is they usually bottle things up."
Alison Harbor, DRMZ youth club manager
Silenced in mixed company
Girls described censoring themselves around boys to avoid labels like "too loud," "weird," or "a beg" (someone seeking attention). They noted boys could be boisterous, but girls were expected to shrink-"smaller and quieter." Teachers confirmed this, describing girls as "keeping their heads down" or "flying below the radar."
Dr. Ola Demkowicz, a senior lecturer in psychology of education, said girls face stricter behavioral expectations: "Boys can be loud-'boys will be boys.' Girls can't." Society demands "adultification," she added, pressuring girls to act mature, not playful or expressive.
Harassment and online scrutiny
Nearly every girl interviewed had experienced catcalling. Girlguiding research found 68% alter their behavior to avoid sexual harassment. Dr. Hannah Yelin of Oxford Brookes University called their awareness of sexualized scrutiny "devastatingly astute."
In schools, misogyny is rising. A teaching union reported 24% of female teachers faced abuse from pupils in the past year. Girls recounted boys dismissing them with phrases like "make me a sandwich." One Year 10 pupil linked the hostility to online influences: "Boys blame women for their problems."
Organizing for change
Some girls are pushing back. In Rochdale, a school started a girls' club to discuss gender inequality, body shaming, and periods. Yet chronic absenteeism-missing 50% of school-has doubled among girls since 2017/18, driven by anxiety, caring duties, or family responsibilities. GCSE passes in English and maths have dropped 7%.
Despite the challenges, the girls brimmed with ambition-from becoming doctors to Lionesses footballers. They spoke of gratitude for modern opportunities but also frustration at setbacks, like the rollback of Roe v. Wade or the rise of "trad wife" content online.
Social media's double bind
Girls criticized unrealistic beauty standards yet felt trapped by them. "Our eight-year-old cousins get skincare for Christmas," one said, "while we're wearing full makeup at 12." They recognized the manipulation but feared exclusion if they opted out.
Older teens lamented the loss of "phone-free meet-cutes," but younger girls valued online communities. Still, many admitted they'd be happier without social media-if everyone else quit too.
The missing 'third spaces'
Youth clubs like DRMZ offer rare offline havens where girls can be loud and physical without judgment. Yet such spaces have dwindled post-pandemic. A 2025 OnSide report found 76% of teens spend most free time on screens, 48% in their bedrooms.
Barnett reflects: "We debate banning social media but haven't built better alternatives. Where do teen girls go to be themselves?"
