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Rise in adults distancing themselves from family
Ben Cole-Edwards, a 30-year-old trauma-informed coach from Bridgend, has not spoken to his mother for three years. He describes their relationship as turbulent for most of his life, a situation shared by many others who have chosen to sever family ties.
High-profile cases highlight growing trend
Family fallouts have made headlines in recent years, including the rift between Prince Harry, Meghan Markle, and the British royal family, as well as Olympic swimmer Adam Peaty, who reportedly did not invite his parents to his wedding. While research on family estrangement in the UK remains limited, a U.S. survey of 1,300 adults found that 27% had cut contact with a family member.
Mental health and self-preservation drive decisions
Cole-Edwards, who has nearly 900,000 followers on TikTok, has faced criticism online, with some calling him a "brat" for distancing himself from his mother. He argues that estrangement is often a "last resort" for those seeking to protect their mental health. "Cutting off a parent is getting rid of that chance of being loved," he said, reflecting on the emotional toll of the decision.
He initially believed his childhood was normal but later recognized it as emotionally unstable. The birth of his first child in 2020 prompted him to reflect on his upbringing and the kind of father he wanted to be. After identifying recurring negative patterns, he stepped back from his relationship with his mother.
From personal reflection to professional support
In 2023, Cole-Edwards began sharing his experiences online, which required him to revisit his past and understand his behaviors. "Every video I posted, I had to take a deep dive into my life and my own childhood," he said. His candid discussions resonated with many, leading to a surge in followers and a new career offering counseling sessions worldwide.
Most of his clients are in their 20s and 30s, though he also works with older individuals, including some in their 70s who ask, "How do I start living my life?" Nearly all of his clients have already disconnected from their families, either emotionally or physically.
Parental perspective and societal stigma
Cole-Edwards' mother, Nicola, denies being emotionally or physically abusive. She described their relationship as "fantastic" until his late teens and claimed she provided for him as a single parent. "I loved my son so much... I would have given my life for my son," she said. Nicola stated that she was the one who cut contact after discovering his social media activity three years ago.
Experts weigh in on the complexity of estrangement
Psychologist Dr. Lucy Blake, who has researched family estrangement for over a decade, notes that while there is no data to suggest a rise in estrangement, there has been a significant shift in public dialogue. She challenges the perception that people cut ties easily, explaining that most individuals contemplate the decision for years.
"What can make it feel like it's a trend is that it's such a common experience. And because it's so isolating, I can imagine social media is a real solace for people to say 'I have this experience too.'"
Dr. Lucy Blake, Psychologist
Voices of those who have walked away
Melissa, from West Yorkshire, shared her experience of ending contact with most of her biological family nearly six years ago. She described years of trying to meet their expectations and enduring negative behaviors that left her feeling depressed and lost. "Every single time I was around them, it would leave me feeling so down," she said. Melissa felt her family criticized her character, personality, and appearance, offering nothing positive to her life.
Diagnosed with anxiety at eight and depression at 14, Melissa says therapy helped her accept that she no longer needed answers from her family. While she faces criticism for sharing her story online, she believes it is essential to provide a voice for those who feel silenced.
"You wouldn't tolerate that kind of behaviour from a friendship, you wouldn't tolerate it from a work colleague, you wouldn't tolerate it from anyone. But because it's your family, there is so much importance put on that word, you're the bad one, because it's your family."
Melissa, estranged from her family
Melissa urges people to ask, "What made you walk away?" instead of questioning why someone has cut ties. "The most important thing for me is that there are voices out there to help those who need it," she said.
