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Warning: This article references eating disorders and body dysmorphia.
Kildunne reveals struggle with disordered eating during pandemic isolation
England rugby player Ellie Kildunne has shared her experience with body dysmorphia and unhealthy weight loss during the COVID-19 lockdown, aiming to encourage others facing similar challenges to seek support.
From World Cup triumph to personal crisis
The 26-year-old, a key player in England's 2025 Women's Rugby World Cup victory, scored five tries during the tournament, including a standout solo effort in the final against Canada at a packed Allianz Stadium. Yet behind the sporting success, Kildunne describes a period of self-destructive behavior triggered by the loss of structure and team support during the pandemic.
Search for control led to harmful habits
As part of Great Britain's sevens squad preparing for the postponed Tokyo Olympics, Kildunne found herself without access to gyms or team training. In the absence of clear goals, she turned to running and restrictive eating to regain a sense of control.
"I could see myself getting smaller but still chased being even smaller," she told BBC Sport. "I'd run to 'earn' meals, compensating when I couldn't control what I ate. Body dysmorphia distorted my reflection-I'd look in the mirror and see myself as bigger, even when I wasn't."
Kildunne, who plays for Harlequins, added that her size was a constant source of insecurity. "In rugby, I'm considered small, but outside the sport, I felt too big. I never felt like I fit in."
Physical and mental toll of malnutrition
Her restrictive eating habits soon took a physical toll. Upon returning to organized rugby, Kildunne suffered a stress fracture in her knee, which she attributes to weakened muscles unable to handle training intensity. In the gym, her limbs trembled uncontrollably from lack of energy.
"I had nothing left to fuel my body," she said. "In matches, I struggled with contact-balls were ripped from me, tackles missed. I even wore shoulder pads to feel stronger."
Turning point: Diagnosis and support
The breakthrough came during a physiotherapy session at her former club, Wasps. Physio Emily Ross asked Kildunne if she was coping beyond physical injuries. "I broke down in tears," Kildunne recalled. "I'd been waiting for someone to ask. Saying it out loud created accountability-I couldn't ignore it anymore."
In early 2025, Kildunne was diagnosed with ADHD, which she links to her struggles with prioritizing meals. She now treats food as fuel for performance and uses strategies like distraction-free eating and team nutritionist check-ins to stay on track. "It's an ongoing process," she admitted. "I don't have a bad relationship with food now, but I'm always conscious of old habits."
Breaking the silence in women's rugby
Kildunne joins other high-profile players, including England teammate Sarah Bern and U.S. star Ilona Maher, in speaking out about body image pressures. Bern, who also competed in the 2025 World Cup, has shared her teenage struggles with body image, saying she's "blown away" by the impact of her story on young fans.
"I don't want any young girl to think she has to restrict herself to feel beautiful. When I share my story, women tell me, 'You've saved my life.' That's why I keep talking."
Sarah Bern, England rugby player
Using her platform to help others
With her memoir published last week, Kildunne hopes to normalize conversations about mental health in sports. "I want to show that no one's perfect-not even England rugby players," she said. "If I can relate to someone going through this, maybe I can be the support I needed."
For those affected by the themes in this article, support is available via BBC Action Line.
